A reminder

Dear readers,

The other day I received a piece of news that triggered me and pushed me to slow down with all the things I was doing. A sudden decease in one of my dearest friend’s family occurred, just after I’ve spoken to them on the phone for almost three hours straight before going to bed. The next morning, such news pops in my messages’ notifications and at first I am speechless. Then I realized the situation, felt a poignant pain in my guts, and cried throughout the day.

My friend’s cousin was young, in their early 20s. And just like that, his disappearance made my friend’s family sad and somber. Sad is even a light word to use in situations like this. This whole incident made me think of the times I used to think how useless and insignificant I thought I was, reaching a point when all I wanted was disappearing in order to both avoid pain for myself and stop being a burden to other people, especially to those who love me.

The complexity of a person that deals with depression and suicide are immense. Many times people are able to seek help in others’ hand, but there’s a great percentage of individuals who somehow resurrect from this experience and become capable to draw a smile on their faces by themselves. I was personally saved from these terrible thoughts and traumas by fashion, journalism, and traveling. Step by step, I got the knack of skimming the best content to keep in my network, including the wonderful people I’ve been meeting in these last six months. The passions I’ve cultivated sparked new interests of mine, including fitness, advertising, and marketing entrepreneurship.

Since it’s International Women’s Month, I wanted to write down this post specifically for those young women who are facing a hard time in letting go a toxic relationship, an aged friendship coming to an end, or a mourning period, remembering someone who they loved very much. I’m living a moment of my life where romanticism seems to be impossible, a phase where my friends and I are growing both apart, and my parents’ presence is more and more rarified – because I’m growing and settling somewhere else which is not my hometown or motherland. I do feel lonely sometimes, but I know I’m not alone. Sometimes I forget it, but then I make sure to call someone and ask for help or ask to listen. It requires a lot of time and effort to find people willing to do such, but it is possible to find them. Everywhere you go. And I can prove it to you.

I’ll be honest. When I’m in a midst of triggering emotions, which I’ve learned to navigate and respond to, I call my very few friends and explain them my difficulties. I also acknowledge the blessings I got. If I think about it, I got many beautiful things in my life and it is right to share them with my friends. I must listen them too. However, to not be weight or feel once again that I’m a burden to people I plan out a reminder to myself. I hope this helps you, in case you need it. I hope this will help you, in case you’ll feel low energy in your system.

I say these words to myself. Hear me out. Read them out:

I don’t deserve to feel unappreciated

because I learned to acknowledge my pain
because I'm there for the people I love - even at your darkest and lowest moments I wanted to manifest love and affection
because not everyone wants what you want - if they don't love you it's not your fault - they should about their happiness and if they include you it means that they love you

This discomfort I’m living is temporary and…

is helping me to appreciate more and more what I have - hence, I will have an amazing love because that person will be free o choose to be present for me 
doesn't define me - hence, loving and being rejected are different, yet not under your power

love (friendships, romantic relationships, family) is freedom and respect

to love is choosing to be there for them
to reject love means to choose something easier, but that doesn't mean you suck
to reject love means to preserve personal mental health, because there's excessive toxicity in both of you or just your friend (or partner)

I think that saying to people who feel unworthy and unseen phrases like “it will get better”, “let it go”, “leave them”, “you’re better and deserve better” don’t help at all: actually they can be confusing and misleading. What is important is to tell these people is “live in the present and suffer now”, “fight these burning stings”, “stretch these knots in your guts”, “release all the tears and be mad”.

This post might seem very romantic or very specific to typical boys problems. Well, all these words come from a place of major heartbreaks, specifically friendships that have sunk deep down. However, these words are valid to any kind of broken heart, including boys or girls who broke that pumping red muscle of yours.

This is a reminder, a pep talk I gave myself. This is something I would say to a younger sister if I had one.

Beijos,

the curly flower

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