I’ve told you about my silence deal/plan/mindset I’m currently into. I believe it’s working, but I really do not know in what direction I’m going to. See, when I was in high school I had almost everything planned: I will move to NY, everything’s gonna be fine, I’ll find everything and anything that will suit me, with some struggles, but I will do it. Well, I can’t say there’s no truth in those words, but I’m insecure as hell when it comes to my future. For this reason, my application to the silent mode has been so far a good cope-mechanism when it comes to discussing my future and my aspirations in life.
However, after almost three years in NYC I’ve successfully mastered flexibility, both mentally and physically.
On a mental level, being flexible to me means to be able to adjust in any uncomfortable or unexpected situation. I had many moments these last months where I was feeling wrong and out of place for being simply myself and not knowing what to do in my life – reaching the point of doubting if I was worth this existence. Nevertheless, by reclaiming space and silence purely for myself has allowed me to get into the right path – or at least to the less rocky path. I’m glad I had to go through bad, really bad stuff, in order to get where I am right now. Not saying that everything’s fine. My energy flows differently. More confident, more proud of the genuine, creative, and lovable person I am – getting finer and finer.
Here’s a list of songs that help me channeling my energy within my silence:
- “Bed Peace”, “While We’re Young”, “I know” – by/ft. Jhene Aiko
- “Only 1″, I Don’t Care”, “R.E.M” – by Ariana Grande
- “Nem de Graca”, Mande um Sinal”, Inseguranca” – by Pixote
And the occasional Cesare Cremonini, Coez, Tiziano Ferro, Frank Ocean, Amy Winehouse, you know these ones…
On a physical level, I’v become more flexible to accept my body, hair, and skin. Since I got to the US, I was forced to take care of my body more alone than ever. I started with my hair. In three years I’ve learned to comb it, style it, appreciate it, and genuinely LOVE it. Now that is short too. My body is still difficult to accept. I’v made enormous progress, but I must say that the biggest one was done last month. Since I started eating mainly vegetables (following a pescatarian diet, but I still eat meat from time to time… I’m Italian-Brazilian, lol) and drinking water (no juices, no sugary drinks, no sodas) my body has visibly been glowing. I still need to hit more and more the gym and follow a stricter plan, but we’ll get there. My skin is glowing. Still got some acne/sunburnt scars, but the glow is real. Very happy for that.
Activities I’ve done the last 60 days that had a beneficial impact on my body:
- visited the city of angels
- among the several functions and photoshoots I’ve taken part of, I’m glad to have been part of the new Beauty Strike‘s skincare campaign
I definitely don’t know about my future. But I know that I am so living the presence, loving myself, and learning everyday – at my internship, with my friends, by reading books, watching tv series, listening to podcasts, and by loving the dearest people in my life.
It all started in Queens, but I’m writing in Manhattan right now. I’m at my internship’s office. Will the silence benefit me wherever I’ll end up being? Beyond, farther, along the way?
PS: Please. Drink water. And eat that apple or banana that’s in your kitchen instead of that Hershey’s chocolate bar. Unless you’re on your period. Then I have nothing to say to you!