A slam poem in the middle of the year – pt. 2

Question time: how do I feel about Los Angeles for real? What did you get from that city? Can I escape from my fears in LA? Can LA be my next chapter?

I was at the DaPoetryLounge last week, but I didn’t get the chance to perform any of my poems. To be honest I didn’t have any poems with me, but as the line of artists was shortening more and more, I had the feeling that I would’ve probably had time to get on stage. I didn’t. But if I did I would’ve said something like this:

From the city of flowers

To the city of angels

a curly brunette angel with a flower

in her hand

knowing and showing that this ain’t the end

These last hours in this paradise in hell

made me get the gist to trying to be well

I went to this slam poetry center with a guy, Michael, who introduced me to Jamaican literature, Chicago rappers, and more African-American readings. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to hang out more with him, since it was my last day in LA before coming back to the Big Apple. Meeting Michael made me happy because I got the chance to meet a nice person in a city that had me lost, confused, and mesmerized, all at the same time. I hope to meet him again one day, and more people like him wherever I’ll end up going.

I’ve met many people in LA. I’ve hiked with AJ and his dog Tucker. I’ve seen many dogs. I’ve visited my friend Maddie at her apartment in Hollywood, close to a delicious cafe, famous for their creamy and tasty crepes. I’ve eating so well in Los Angeles. I’ve watched two movies at two different cinema theaters – The Sun Is Also A Star and The Souvenir. I’ve attended a writing workshop at the Writers Block – they had one of the sweetest and most comforting teas I’ve ever had in my life… so good. I’ve attended a class and met the director and an instructor at Stella Adler. I’ve met Yara Shahidi and her mom Keri at a fashion panel with costume designer Michelle R. Cole. I’ve smiled a lot that day, even though my body was so jetlegged – it happens: will wrote more about this day, incredible. I’ve met Maddie’s friends from the Los Angeles Film School. I’ve met Leonardo who borrowed me his sweater and the other European grad students at UCLA with whom I chilled at their pool party – another peculiar day. I’ve spent time with a family friend, Thorna, in Beverly Hills. I’ve done a second hiking trail with Daniel. I’ve even said hi to Liza Koshy. And I’ve met Michael at the DaPoetryLounge.

I didn’t take any picture of me nor any selfies during this trip. I really just wanted to focus on myself but without being recorded on camera. I wanted to exercise my eyes in seeing more colors and shapes in front of me. However, my guide Daniel took a picture of me on our way to the Griffith Observatory. It was a beautiful sunny day 🙂

Back to the poem, though. If I had the chance to perform it I’m not sure of how many people would’ve understood it. So I’ll try to break it down for you guys.

I thought that being in LA could help me making feel distracted from myself, but it turned out to be an Eat, Pray and Love experience, all in one city for ten days, by my solely self.

I don’t know what my next chapter in life will be like. All I know is that I must keep writing because chapters aren’t written by themselves. They can be written anywhere too.

I must only keep writing and traveling. And loving.

A slam poetry analysis

From the city of flowers

Flos, floris is the Latin name for flower. Florence is the city I was born and raised in, whose name means “blossom”, “flourish”, “flower”. Without knowing it, I came up with a pen name that reconnects with my city. In two years I’ve embraced and forged this name and personality that makes me proud and genuine. Being a curlyflower helps me navigating this world through loving and selfless actions.

To the city of angels

From the Spanish, Los Angeles means city of angels. I’ve met many good people, but from what I saw the city is not paradise at all. Poverty and luxury incredibly coexist and makes you aware of your status, who you are in front and within society. In nine months I’ve sharpen a thick skin toward negative influences, bad habits, and people who don’t believe in love. I wanted to build love in a place where love is not accepted and I came to the conclusion that angels can visit hell, but their home is paradise, no matter how warm and intriguing hell could look like.

a curly brunette angel with a flower

Despite having cut off my curly petals, I’ve realized that this short-hair journey is working well. Sure, I miss my big afro, not gonna lie. But I got this flower, my transparent and exclusive love, that somehow is still in my heart. I don’t believe in love anymore like before, because I’ve spent too much time with negative and shallow people. I’m glad to have spent that time there, because now I know that this gift I got will be even more precious – my love and attention.

in her hand

I’ve made the vow to not deliver my affections to anyone else who loves me back. Especially to friends, or those who claim to be so.

knowing and showing that this ain’t the end

I may be cynical, but I am really just cautious. See I’ve been always very selective as well as very open in terms of expanding my cultural and creative horizons. I believe in love and friendships. I don’t believe in lust and acquaintances. For those who know me: I can’t stand a day with boredom. And lust and short term friendships are a form of boredom to me, because they wast my time. Who likes wasting time? Life is too short to toss its valuable time out. I wanna invest in every move I do. Yes, I’m thirsty of money and my currency is knowledge. I need to get educated on a daily basis. My currency is passion. I need to be around safe and positive spaces where I can spread love. I wanna thank all the people who are close to me enough to love me and will never leave me and are not afraid to lose me.

And I wanna thank those who made me understand what is crap and the finish line when it comes to investing your energy and heart in. Thanks to you I believe in my love and potential even more.

these last hours in this paradise in hell

As I said, these were moments during my last night in Los Angeles. I was so glad to have enjoyed the city in every possible way, but my confused mind – will I graduate earlier? what will I do after college? where am I going? how about my writing? am i loving life correctly? why do I feel left out? I miss my mom, my mom, my mom, why I don’t have a family close to where I feel home? where is my home? who am I? what kind of woman I am becoming? mi vuoi bene? why am I digressing so much? is my body ok? how can I contribute in this world through my love? – was on its way from time to time and made me realize that no matter where I’ll go or what kind of paradise I will be visiting… if my mind feels like in hell, paradise will burn like it.

made me get the gist to trying to be well

The last day when I met Michael I was really really tired. I had walked all day long between Hollywood and Santa Monica, after my acting class meeting at Stella Adler. I’ve arrived at the DaPoetryLounge with a big smile – if I didn’t show it enough, well: I was tired Michael, so please understand me lol – and I was standing in front of a line full of many black, white and latino young creatives ready to attend a poetry show. It was simply refreshing! See, as an Italian-Brazilian, you don’t get to see much of these activities back at home, trust me. Sure, I’ve been living in NYC for three full years now and travelled quite a lot, but seeing so much inclusivity at a cultural event was amazing.

It seems like that every step and action and decision that I had experienced in Los Angeles was part of a series of signs that the universe has showed me in order to keep up with such personality I have – curious, thriving, and always willing to learn and discover new scenarios.

Los Angeles might not fit me as a city. But who knows, maybe I’ll visit it again with another plan. But the people and the activities I’ve done were able to depict or at least give me a sketch of the person that I’m crafting to be: a loving, curious, hard working person, who wants to represent the underrepresented through her words, passion, and joie de vivre.

Thanks LA. I’m back in NYC now, though.

These six months will be so unpredictable and very much focused on the love of my life.

Me.

I’m way more private with my heart, but some parts of me will never change. This is from last year’s slam poem post.

I’m not loved, only lovely. And that’s okay to be such creature. Because guess what? At the end of the day, you can still be the one who loves yourself. So, at the end of everything, you are not that alone. And people around you will give you different kinds of love – friendships, respect, familiar attention. Because with this attitude, you’re good, like, so good. You become an exciting mental orgasm in people’s mind, pure delight.

Wherever you are, be safe with your heart,

beijos,

the curly flower


Wherever you are, be safe with your heart,

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