I’d like to end the month of April with a stream of consciousness on how being a woman is beautiful. It’s hard being a woman. It has always been like this, and most likely this nature won’t change – it will probably always be difficult to be part of womanhood.
Maybe it’s because this month, after so much emotional pain and physical exhaustion, I’ve finally had sincere and pure conversations with a handful of dear female friends I am fortunate to have around me.
When I was a student at the British Institute in Florence I had met this girl with whom I became friends with. I asked her why she liked girls. She told me that women have curvy bodies, they’re visually appealing to see and appreciate. Men were too straight and no exciting, according to her. My crush on the super-tall-thin-guy-always dressed-elegant-to–class-with-the-most-beautiful-blue-eyes-I’ve-ever-seen kept existing, but she had a point. Women are simply admirable, in their forms and minds. I will never forget you Sara, you’re so special to me. I wonder how you are sometimes, how your horses are, how your fashion is popping, if you still love Nicki Minaj. Wish you could visit me over here with Silvia.
Years later, in order to be sparked and spiritually fulfilled by some kick-ass energy, I had to stay close to positive people, like Sara and Silvia back at home. But here’s the thing. In the last six months I had to be a loner too in order to completely understand what quality of positivity I needed to move on from depression, sadness, and loneliness. When your heart breaks, you need to acknowledge the situation alone and surround yourself with only genuine positive people.
See, I had many positive people close to me, but their behaviors were a reflection of superficial positivity, that couldn’t benefit my mental health. Even the people who claim to love you or be friends with you may not be the ones you need to vibe with in that moment. With time I came across the reason why I had to feel a lot of this crap for such long time: I needed to find myself again and I craved people who could give me suggestions, share their stories, actively help me in my career and studies.
I guess I needed to be alone, without uncertain or insecure people. I needed constructive positivity, along with someone who could keep me inspired, push me toward new chapters. It took me a lot to surrounded myself with good company. I do miss my family and friends, especially those who are close to me but they are not on my same page. Will they come back into my life? Will they love me ever? I don’t know. I know I have to be me, regardless.
This month I went to the beach with a friend and her boyfriend and took strolls on the shore. I visited my friends in the city, where I had dinners, conversations, a cup of tea. I talked to God, without even reciting the prayers I used to do when I was little. I started texting again my friends back home. I’ve made calls to different parts of the world that made me happy. I’ve been reading books, listening podcasts, learning new disciplines, dancing, and mostly loving and forgiving from distance. I’ve been planning a new season, a new path, with the same intention: love. I wanna love what I do, from the morning to the night. Write, write.
I wanna say a big thank you to all these people who were truly positive.
All of you are women.
All of you are unique. Your bodies are thick, slim. Your nails are long, short, colored. Your height is tall, short, similar to mine. Your boobs are big, small. You might be younger than me. You may be older than me, much older. Your hair is long, short, curly, straight, wavy, black, blonde, grey, red. All of you have loved, all of you are loved, all of you want love.
You are divine, because you made a miracle. You made me stronger.
It’s hard to be pure out here. It’s hard to find someone who is willing to learn. It’s hard to not fit the pattern. But when I’ve got you, divine women, I don’t feel alone. I feel very much in within my exclusivity, creativity, love. I’m important for you, you remind me that always.
These kind of rare young women do exist. They’ve got a sharp emotional intelligence, they cry, they drink lots of water, they pray, they sleep, they dance, they read, they travel, and most importantly, they are exclusive. I love you all girlfriends. Thank you for being there.
My whole point is: surround yourself with constructive positivity.