Two days ago I came back from San Juan, Puerto Rico. I miss already the sun, the warm sand, the transparent water, and the food. Such good food I’ve been eating there – mofongos, tacos, platanos, crab… you name it, everything was delicious!
The reason why I decided to go Puerto Rico this time of the year is that at the beginning of the year I knew that I would eventually need a trip in some warm place, due to my seasonal depression. Yes, New York and college in the winter time have both put me in a seasonal depression lately. It’s been two years that cold weather attacks my emotions and make me feel slightly crappy and just sad. I’m a sunny person and I need to be under the sun as much as possible. Remember, Italian-Brazilian flower over here.
This is the general reason I give most people. I also say that Puerto Rico was the cheapest option between any other British-Caribbean island or the Dominican Republic, but the real purpose of this trip and Puerto rico is because of… Ariana Grande…?
As I’ve previously written on this so-called-blog, I kinda know that 2019 is going (and is) a transitional year. I feel that nothing great or at least surprising will happen these following months. However, I got it wrong, because quite a lot has already happened. And actually at end of the year many things could happen too… but we don’t know yet. Anyways, when I was in Brazil I spent the first days of the new year figuring out what could I do to overcome my sadness. Then Ariana Grande dropped her single 7 Rings. Ari sings:
“Wearing a ring, but ain’t gon’ be no “Mrs.”
Bought matching diamonds for six of my bitches”
As Ariana’s autumn, fall 2018 was the worst semester I’ve gone through and I wanted to end my sadness. However, I knew that my broken spirit wouldn’t be healed by the time my Brazilian pause ended. In fact, when I came back to campus I wasn’t instantly recovered. Nevertheless, when I heard 7 Rings, without thinking twice, I thought: I should do something with my friends. I should overcome this sadness of mine with something that I could share. What can I do? I can’t buy Tiffany’s rings for six of my best friends because I’m currently broke, some of my friends don’t use rings, and… usually rings and bracelets don’t fit me cause I’ve got tiny wrists and slim fingers lol.
Here’s the thing too. My heart is complicated and I tend to consider my body a sacred temple, that almost nobody has the privilege to touch or see in its most bare nature. So the option to have sex with the first attractive dude or casually dating people were not paths of mine. Through readings and mostly by listening to my heart (and wallet lol) I decided to find pleasure in going to a place where the sun is always up in the sky and share an experience with my friend Khin Su.
The 7 anillos
Right, the meaning behind the 7 Rings. I chose to stay one week in San Juan. Why? Because I believe that one week is the perfect amount of time to fully enjoy a town, by engaging different activities, trying several local foods, and getting to know more the culture of the country itself.
Every day was truly a blessing. Seven days in the Caribbean signified richness for me. I felt like owning seven Tiffany’s rings, because my heart was fueled by Nature, music, and smiles. Every day was a good vibe, I felt like a queen. Every day was a ring, a commitment ring: I got married to my inner happiness, with the sun and my baby curls as my testimonies.
But this was also my first ring to put in my collection: 2019 might be a transitional year, but I will catch flights and live experiences: those are my rings. So, one was scratched from the bucket list already: a trip to the Caribbean.
The Caribbean! I went to the Caribbean! For Europeans being able to visit the Caribbean islands is truly a luxury, because the trip is a very long one. When I was little my dad would come home and always name of those islands at our dinner table. “Today I got in touch with a professor in Santo Domingo” or “Oh, this plant in Costa Rica is splendid!” or “You know where we should go? Trinidad! or Tobago! or both”. After dinner I would open my Atlas and look at these places. I would show my dad and ask him if he really meant it to go to those places. “I’m planning to, but I don’t know… not now… I got work, you, and mom. I want to, but I definitely don’t want you to be stuck here in Florence. You better see these places, even before me”. Little did this chubby little girl know that more than a decade later she would dive in the Atlantic Ocean under the Caribbean sun in Puerto Rico.
The lesson – 7 lessons
I learned that I’m a child of the sun and a product of Mother Nature.
I learned that the way I wanna love and build friendships works for me only in the way I want to and that’s why I attract people in my circle.
I learned that I evolve, feelings change, but true love and self-love are still, even at my worst times.
I learned that you gain more in loving than not being loved, but you realize this stuff later.
I learned that I can be loved and I will always have Nature by my side.
I learned that I did nothing wrong, nothing.
I learned that every lifestyle I engage has its purpose at specific phases of my life and the people I meet are eventually meant to be encountered. Like New Yorker-Charlie-who-walked-only-10-minutes-with-me-and-exchanged-a-brief-conversation-about-how-he-found -work-in-San-Juan-while-we-were-crossing-the-bridge-between-Santurce-and-Condado.
There are a lots of other thoughts that are strolling around and around in my mind. But thoughts and emotions need to be processed and some things are better to left unsaid – actions will speak for themselves.
I’m happy to be happy, even though my heart is still broken. Broken by people, society, and negative vibes. But I’m happy to be here and process all this. Because I was at the bottom, and I can only rise. I am indeed rising. I’m also momentarily broke, but what yay me, now I can relate to the college standard lbs?!
Next stop? Hopefully the city of angels 🙂